Take the edge off

http://youtu.be/0tcDXJfAFVw

A pusher.

You want to hear some words?

Nervous, but doesn't want to show it, she puts the poem she'll read atop of a stand. Now, her hands are free. And as she breathes, exhales song and feeling, and inhaling grief, lonely breathes pumping her life, she reads..

[ All fools in love

blown by the wind.

Optimism flourishing

an impossibility

I wake up

worried about the distance

just wait it out

Perhaps she's making it worse

makes me guilty for wanting it

we are waiting

Powered by your emotions

maybe it will love you back

get driven

crave them at times

a fabulous breath of 

Sourir sans caution

The sunrise is around now

I think  I am here

eyes still tired

Tumbleweed comes

wise, they became fools

a dream, fully real

whatever it is, it was beautiful ]

Stepping back, she hopes she was as clear and audible as she hopes. She hopes no quivers dwelled in her voice. She hopes her voice was strong. I wonder what pictures they all thought. I want them to see this paper, so she moves away and permits them to hopefully stand and look at the following images.

Three black ballpoint ink drawings, and three typewritten poems. How are they arranged?

[ Over skin, feeling you softly
This is my remedy
Smiling at me. Hey.
if I am angry, it comes from resent
People doing whatever they want
Remain Honest ]

[ I wake up.
Worried about the distance
Perhaps she's making it worse
just wait it out. ]

[ He shows me the sounds of some words
a fabulous breath of
an impossibility
Rewarding inasmuch as it is scary
in those situations
wise, they became fools
I am tired of being scared ]

_._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._

 Hey. My teacher Dan had demonstrated this really neat method on word/phrase/image construction. He cut out lines of words, from magazines, into strips, and after having acquired a collection, he randomly selects a few of them, providing him with phrases/images/pictures/verses.

So I went home and did the same, but used my typewritten entries, and a few from earlier journals this year, as my lyrical foundation. Feels better. Feels.. more reflective, and practical. Before I was questioning, "But who's words ARE these?!" I like it when they are more my own.

Anyways. This, is an experiment.

I've drawn out one image already. Who know it if it will be used.

But, let's continue.

This is one of those.. weed projects.

For you

This one will be right quick.

I have the urge and desire to write. To write about nothing really. Maybe it's the cleanliness of the keyboard that draws me.
I have no personal computer now. So the context of my usage will be within computer labs at school.
I have started to use my other Facebook account. I haven't added Marena, because I am rejecting the obligation to.

I have Tabitha, Olivia, and Shaun.

In the second bin would be Marley and Mareena.

In the third, wouldn't even be Shane, because he lives too far away, if that makes sense. I would just use his account to snoop with him, rather than.. whatever.

Business. Let's try business.

I joined the Bored Club on the Facebook page (dear God, 'Facebook' is in this computer's dictionary).
I have sent a message to Masaaki, one of the initial starters, other than Shaun, hoping that he is still here and interested. If not - ah well.

So Saturday is the bike ride to Lawrencetown. They have a tea shop out there, so I will have some tea when I'm there. Maybe there is also a place to eat, so I won't need to pack a lunch.

Mareena biked out to Dartmouth today, and I was envious. Hah. I guess I just want the kilometres.

Alright, well - Saturday is when I'll essentially be able to have that sweet time to myself again.

I like the idea of taking 9 credits, instead of 15, and filling in my time with biking.


It is really nice to bike. It's peaceful. It feels good once the breath is in need of catching, and the ass has been flexed.


Anyways,

Respectfully,


Kim.

kkamloops, bc

maybe it is because I settled into Kamloops pretty late last night, .. i dont feel like moving much. right now at least. last night i was letting myself believe that the motel room was haunted. so i turned on the lights, slept not in the bedroom, turned the bedroom lights on, but shut the door. i slept with the tv on. but i usually do it seems in motels. i just need rhat light and the noise. may be it forces me to fall asleep. i love feeling the sleep come over you. like how a blanket covers you. light, natural. conscious of it, but .then also not. it was an okay sleep. i still felt like sleeping though afterwards. but i went to bed at 10? woke up at 8e0? my life is astoundingly mundane. but life is mundane. this application keeps on closing on me. i think the feeling is being rushed out of context. why do i need to hurry right now. 80 k is not long, but it can be. its shorter than from my house to peggys cove and back. i will get going soon though. to be in cache creek will be nice. this will prob take six hours, the commute. i hope its a good day...........................maybe i just feel like mumblinf, like having something to do. i would mind to draw something, but that takes time. and i dunno... as i continue to not move, i have less and less time. anyways. I'll be seeing yah.  toodles

ccross roads

this video... alice smith mm so good. I'm currently sitting outside a gas station. it's in between bassano and strathmore alberta. it's thirty two degrees out and coming up a hill, the only hill ive met in a w h i l e, when I got up it, the back of my rhroat was uncontrollably dry. so i was coughing. but it is okay. this gas station wasnt marked on google, so i was all like hallelujah baby. i have listened to that alice smith song a bit  sing this noon. my fingers are sticky from orange. about sixty more kilometres to go today. thats going from my apartment in hali down to crystal crescent and back. it is so incredibly close and far. far, only because of this dry heat. but close, if i sit and chill for a bit. i met a friend last night. i saw him first in herbert saskatchewan on the transcanada. and then again later that day on the road. and then again later that night. and again late last night in brooks alberta. he is somewher e around me today. he said hed be forty klometres outside of calgary tonight. one hundred and eighty four kilometres away, calgary to brooks. strathmore, the perfect one hundred  and forty kilometres away. thats where i hope to be tonght. but who knows! but seriously, hah, strathmore is the goal. oh fuck this sun! it's crazy i tell you. now lemme tell you, sixty kilometres is not bad. ohhh no it is not. why am I complaining then? it's hot. it's weather. deal with it kim. breathe through your nostrils and get over it. last night and today i dont mind the idea of company. maybe it is coming into the surface because i know i will have company soon. it is nice having a checklist of having people to see. before it was just a dream, a mere breathe of words that i would be seeing my fam, dylan, julian, the god parents. christ, it still is a bit of a dream that i will b seeing shane. i havent texted him till i told him that i was planning to do this. and that was in april. those mountains are freaky in my head. lets hope the wind is aight, the shoulder is fine. my strength is revibed. and that my...well i dunno. lets just do it and have fun and yadda yadda yadda, you know. okay. love you loads, good bye for now

Estevan

i washed my hair with shampoo, and now I can't even grab a lock without it slipping out of my hands. You know what - there is "too soft".

Biking has been good. It's nice to chill out every now and a bit. I did an even 100 k a day when leaving Winnipeg to get to Estevan. It's nice to have a set standard. Somedays the 100 k is like moving through honey, and on others, I can just zoom through it dedicatedly. Later on tonight I will map out what my route will be on way to Calgary. It's a bit over 900 km.

Yhep. Today I am sewing, and I started the morning with some beers.

It seems I've always been recording my life. Somewhere, there are ashes to burned papers, or bits and corners of saved diary pages - or encripted data that in some way, describe a life.

A singular.

I don't know how I feel right now. Maybe the closest way to describe it would be - mundane - yet trying to make it into something sorta poetic. Mundane and in vain.

Anyways - I'm sewing and drinking brandy - life's good.

hi

Wow.

It has been an interesting morning. This is not a good motel. Mm-nn.

Yesterday was a nice bike ride. My legs were definitely tired, yet wanting to cross the Manitoba border. I'm about 15km in - haha. Today is a day of rain and thunderstorms. Tomorrow my parents leave to Las Vegas, and since my phone doesn't have service here, I will bike out extra early, just to see if I can arrive within service, within Winnipeg range, and then call mi paren'tays.

Boy - I dislike dirty public computers.

Cleanliness! My body is aching to clean this place up. Seriously. There is chewed gum, and a whole lotta debris just chilling beside me. It's like an acute attention to detail, I can't help it.

But, I just paid for an extra night - I had to call my parents first for their advice. My mom's advice - do not complain, do not gamble with your security. If I make a bad face with the owner here, then they do not let me into the hotel, and then where would I be? This is the only hotel within forty clicks. Then I would bike into the rain for that distance, to see if the next motel could be open, or .. It's hard to say. She then asked to call my father. My dad asked, "How much is it?" "110$" and quicker than anything he responds with, "Take it. That's not that much." His voice is concerned and paternal, very much so. He explains that 110$ is not that much when compared to getting sick - which is what happened biking into Lake Superior Provincial Park.

The owner manager here, I was introduced to him first on the phone - when I was calling in. But when I arrived, he wasn't in - and another Lady signed me in. She was awful, but I got a laugh out of her, and that was worth it. It's nice, especially nice to see a terrifying face laugh because of kindness - that's something to focus on. She charged me 110.

This morning, I come to ask if I can get an extra phone - so I can call my parents - because the buttons 9 and 6 on the phone in my room do not work. I am waiting for someone to come to the office - and a lady comes up and knocks on the closed glass doors, and out comes the manager. Before he comes out, she says that sometimes they are hiding. Anyways, she begins to complain about the poor conditions of this hotel, when compared to what she is paying. I completely agree with her. There was sand in my bed - I mean - mmm-nn.

She gets revved up talking to me before the manager comes in - and when they arrive, instead of pulling her into the office for privacy, they both turn their bodies so as to put this show on display to me. I am apart of their conversation. It's interesting. Like I was watching a play.

I just wanted a phone to call my mom. I think at that moment I was fairly set on biking out to the next motel, though not pleased. After they have their dispute, the owner then begins giving me his perspective on the conversation. The business situation is uneasy. And a strong disjoint in communication between the folks that work/live here.

The owner manager, and the lady customer, are both pleasing individuals. Just circumstantial have to deal with each other in obstacles. The situation is fixed, by the lady taking her family to another hotel, and the manager giving her the refund for the extra day she will not be staying for, though a no-refund policy exists. I mean - people have a - this better not suck policy - and we all have our limits - and people and their policies must adapt to the circumstances.

Predominantly I listened. But gave no heat. There was one moment in which I said that I am in a pickle - I cycled here, and it is raining - yadda yadda. The owner ends up giving it to me for 75$, to stay for this evening. I think out of comparison maybe - to the customer lady whom spoke to him before me - that could be why? But anyways - to combine my Dad and Mom's wisdom, and some help from someone else - let's say - I am here.

I feel like I am scared to define myself as a Christian - because I am technically/spiritually - not - according to the Good Book, I guess.  But voila. This morning has turned out good. I get to stay here, for a more comfortable price. One where I don't mind the dirt, but can understand it.

There is a pool here too - so maybe I could swim for a bit? Who knows. Who knows.

I still do not know, it is either Steinbeck, or Winnipeg tomorrow. Maybe Winnipeg actually. For if I want to get my bike fixed, I can bring it in on the Saturday that I arrive - hopefully before the cycle store closes. And then Hopefully I can get it back on a Sunday afternoon, if they are open, or a Monday morning - before we bike out to the Beach - I guess. Anyways - I hope this all fits together, and if it doesn't fit accordingly to how I had intended, then according to the good-willed intentions of the almighty, let's say.

I feel like I act more cautionary now. It's like - before I was 3, God didn't exist, so I was spared. And now, psychologically - he exists, so my conscience has brought me into His judgement. It's like a form of paranoia.

Anyways - arividerchi.

1/3

Guilt and pleasure in liking how one looks. \maybe it's a lie. \\


\let's not go there\

Two days, or practically one, or practically none - more days that \i begin the next



Up to Milton, is a bit over 1900 kilometres.
time to do it, twice as good.