"You work very hard, and want to. We are proud of you, Kim"

I feel most comfortable even when reading the titles of NIN songs. Yet, since I am probably categorized as being less invested with the group/Trent, due to my age, I feel out of place when sharing my interest of them. All of this because I wasn't born and listening to them pre-1990's. Don't you hate that? When the world... calls you something, and you can not step out and away from it. You are forever categorized as what the world describes as "Asian", you are forever a "Girl", forever a .. thing. Who can truly know you? Could a world without opinions ever exist? But we do need acceptance by others and ourselves daily. But without them, your fellow brothers and sisters, elders and strange ones with the same amount of limbs and organs, yet different customs.. even vice versa.. they're still here affecting you.

A world to yourself would be nice. Free of inhibitions. I need not worry about anything.

Desirable.

Free of fears, free of worries of what another person may be thinking, free of worrying about the importance of your own thoughts, your own existence. If it is all absurd, if it is all worth nothing, but only what you make of it.. why not end it? Why; is my equally opposite question/answer./?

When you're without any inhibitions, you're free.. obviously. But, on MDMA dancing in the night sky. Alone, silence is around you, yet - nothing but everything. You're happy and not, avidly observant, yet devoid of any focus. When you're off of it, you have thoughts of regret. "What did I do last night? Does this mean I'm manically depressed? Do I know myself?" And you wonder of the importance of your analyzing the importance of your own importance. Value.

Do you scare yourself every day, by means of surpassing what you thought you were capable of? How can you fall in love without trying? How can you learn to swim without diving in? How can you dance, without moving? Is it really Mind over Matter? I have loved, I know what it is; I have swam, I know how it feels; I have danced, I've felt its release.

Censored.

And then you wonder, if any one else has the same problem. But what would it matter, you could never tell.