I'm a girl driven by fantasy. My heart flutters quicker than I am able to read, maybe this is why I find fictional books of romance too uninteresting, unsatisfying. They give way to few fleeting moments of rush, but if you are to meet someone a new, seconds are stretched into days.. and there is a fear of their ceasing-to-be. All I tend to think about in those marathonic stretches is how I should carry myself. How do I want them to remember me by? I could cry, gravel, and shout, and resist.. yet.. there's no justification for me to enact such. Their image of me took precedence over my desire to manifest my internal fantasies. I'm not crazy, but then again, I am. I am crazy. At moments, feelings may rush over me, like tides over a drowning body. A complete submersion into an environment so out of your control, yet you jumped in. Conversely, others may swim in similar conditions, others might not even construct fantasies in their heads... but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't.
There's a lot of inactivity here now, it's a bit boring. I've been keeping myself 'active' by writing, and recording me reading aloud, and filling out forms. There's a lot of.. word things I've been doing. But also cooking. I like the cooking. I'm looking for intimacy right now, I just had an eye exam, and the doctors always get so close to you.. hmm, felt a bit strange. The last time someone was that facially close to me.. well..
There's a lot of inactivity here now, it's a bit boring. I've been keeping myself 'active' by writing, and recording me reading aloud, and filling out forms. There's a lot of.. word things I've been doing. But also cooking. I like the cooking. I'm looking for intimacy right now, I just had an eye exam, and the doctors always get so close to you.. hmm, felt a bit strange. The last time someone was that facially close to me.. well..
I'm at a point where I don't want to follow things through to the end. My self direction is a bit at a lost right now.. or not lost, just at a way slower pace than before. I was recollecting earlier today how often times during July, I would forget appointments I had scheduled around me. It was because there was so much activity in my environment, a constant communication of information, that I had tried to keep up, and in doing so, forgot to pick some other things up too.
I've played the guitar a bit, not much, but it .. I let it say something about me.
I've started up my camera again - Jake's going to be moving to Cape Breton - so I took pictures of him.
I got my glasses fixed at Hakim Optical today.. I love that feeling.
My butt hurts because I've been sitting far too long.
If I have more time I move slower. Or at least this is how I perceive myself within these moments.
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| Good Morning Winnipeg's Sun. |
