I am sanctified

10 minutes to write this blog.
Not like it's never happened before, but without pressure.

All I know is that I'd like to type out some-tHINgs, but, I dunno.
You know, there's this Virgo chick...with whom I use to work...but then she got another job in the plaza wherein I work. The only relation I had with her, was our vegan-ness. All we'd do when we'd hang out, was EATAMOHFOHKIN'LOTTAFOOD. And then sit down, watch movies..she'd say she was 'hungry' after this MEALLAFUCKINTASTICFOODINGULFMENT...and then cook and eat a hell of a lot more. This was the routine. Now. I'm a Gemini...and she was a virgo, all you other lovelies out there might be able to catch this vibe of HORRID-NESS. She's quite possessive of anyone, wants to cook shit for them, but also is inconsiderate.. One time, she had a chick who was SODAMNBROKE to buy her ALLOFTHISEXPENSIVEORGANIC-CRAPTASTICFOODS, with her insufficient fundings...because SHE(VIRGO) wanted to cook. And eat. And no doubt do nothing else but supply ample amounts of silence. Awkward Silence. ("Why am I here?" "Why is she here?" "Holy crap, pleaseFUCKINGLEAVE") Were the transparent thoughts floating in the air, no doubt. Same here though. No conversational substinance. The only way for me to handle this crap was to become this cheerful bubbly fuck. &, Since recognizing that I dislike this so much... I have no longer replied or anything, you know, just shunheroff my list. BUT SHE DON'T GET IT. She came into my work yesterday, THE FIRST DAMN DAY I'VE TAKEN OUT MY BIKE FOR A MONTH, since seeing my bike, she came in. Looking all insecure & Sad as horse shit....GAAAAAAAHH. Fucking torture. "Kim, don't think this is strange, but... are we still .. friends?" Worried-as-SHIT!!!!- she pouts these words. "..yeah,why?" WEll, it's just that all my friends seem to .. ABANDON ME. ("well, fuckin' right they might as well have, WHADDYA THINK I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO") Abandon. It's all relative I suppose. The only thing I know not how to handle now is...'breaking' up. ENDING IT. But on good acquaintance-like terms. You know. Full of understanding. Right... So, Kim wants freedom, I want to encaged a person... I see... It'd all fall to shambles anyway. There's noooo o o o desire for me to see this .. VEERgoh. Vomitus to the maximus, she makes me feel.

10 minutes is up.

My last statement

[Clear and concise as my thought processing may be, best of its abilities...an email to a Nova boy. Hopefully all turns out... swell.]

So I've received your texts, bye, & u hurt my feelings.

Andrew, you're giving me more and more reasons of why I should just not waste my time takling with you. It's becoming difficult for me to defend the image that I have of you, apparently each time you say something to me. I won't know on what grounds I should speak of, until you are capable of distinguishing the actions that you make. I am very near to just not bothering with you any more, because as I've stated, you're giving me nothing to work with. I hear your spite, and pain, and for lack of better words, uncontrollable immature-blabber. I figured you perceived that you and I were emotionally tied, but Andrew, none of that was shared. This was built up only in your mind.

Andrew, you do not love me, and w were never bound by any sort of agreement, or mutual understanding. This has been a sort of presumptuous dream. Your initial feelings might warrant your behavior, this is the benefit of a doubt I am giving you. But you share with me the sort of person with which I'd rather not have any affiliations. I take nothing away from our experiences with eachother, they all stand true and real.

If you are looking for a reaction from me, to justify your emotional beliefs of what may have happened, look no further, this is it.
I guess I have nothing more to say to you.

If our paths meet again, may it be proof of a new day,

Kim.

Respect to the Vivd Piscies detailed&Uniq realities.

Dried boogers, where did the jelly ones go?

Ouhh...What to even say, how to even introduce them idears that floss my mind's networks. iCould start with my thoughts of my mornings breakfast (T - 7.5h), How Virgo people are just not cool for me, a shift of space & Happenings into sumthin' I've never expected to be aware of for some more few years... Could be my continuing relevations of WHY THE HELL AM I NOT in some sorta School for the Awesome Arts right now...or at least for a more progressive thought pattern...how shall I get there...

With no, or little, fear of prejudice I am becoming more akin to the aspects of Astrology. I guess one may be even able to pick such out from the previous Virgo read. ...Butt-Fuck, it has its pulls and knots.

I notice that I'm totally not being freely speaky riita hear-ah. So what's to do? What's one to decide? I'm currently in my firend's bedroom, and I want to 'enjoy' a tabacky-slimmy, but the balcony door creeks & causes some AWAKENngings... Yah-no, the fresh air would do me so well actually. Have you ever tried to switch the functions of each ofyour thumbs onthe keyboard...forinstance, I use my left one NOT to push the space-ular rectangle...MOST OFTens the right...but left for this... ...Too Weird...I'm off that wagon.

Not really a good idea to type and stuff, or well atleast to look at a monitor right before you go to bed, or in hopes at least that it will set your mind through an easeful sleep-rest. Not even smoking.

I remember in elementary, this one mate-notof mine had an egg allergy, and what I had said was "WOAH that much REALLYsuck".....& I would think of all the cakes and moring doo-dahs of beakfast and ...all things else one would suspect he MUSTNOTHAVE-Ever enjoyed. But fun thing is...that I don't eat much of anything that carries these traces of eggs. Interesting how things have developed. As must all develoPINGS be.... just pure interesting.

I'm fairly very certain I am in the likingsof liking some mate o' mine right now. & this isnew. This is very new. Not the liking, but the awakreness of such positivo emotional UPRISING!

Dear Dairy, N O I S Z EH.

It's as if I'm refusing to sleep, to let myself sleep. Ah meh peuh pah koo shey. HOpefully that does the trick. ...of Pronounciation, can't touch this lack of restty nutty head hea headss.

Wow look at this jumble. I'll check out the mate's breathing patterns, ifi seems like a good chance he's in it deep, with the deep Whooz & Hahhhs, then open ma fucking dang sesame crackers CREEKS-a lot, door. If not...smoke stained cielings will match perfectly with the brown typ. appartment floorings.

Cool, this was neat - Peace : )

nails are down

Today has been a weird day. The stress to choose a path in the life is happening. As if, the path I take may have the illusion of inevitability, yet stills remains unknown...until this choice is made.

It takes time to come to this.

I want to live as long and healthy as possible.
Why would you want to live as long as possible?
So that I can have as most existance as humanly and not, possible within Time.
Time?
As long I can.
Why is there such an attempt to challenge against an infinite possibility of accomplishment, your physical-self, in the physical world, to win.
You want to win.
Is time the Greatest Unknown then?
Time is not capitalized.
Challenging it's existance and not, through literature, best Capitalized in the beginning of sentences only, I'd say.
Eh?
No, sorry.
Why wouldn't you live as long as possible.
If time is SO FUCKING L O N G, it's natural to want the biggest piece of it.
And if you logic DOES realize this DRASTIC comparison, it's only logical that you would accept this chunky slice.


Aw, I hate reliving emotion ,

my body, HAS , to feel this way.
drugs are better.

Note to Chelsea

hey, it's kim. this could potentially make you even more frustrated at me. but i feel that it's alright, and it will stay alright in the end...
i don't fully understand the reasons for your frustration towards me. but i am going to guess. i'm sorry if i make anything worse or whatever. i know you hate it when i apologize, but i can't help it, it's just what i do. and just so you don't be thinking anything about this note that i am writing you, it's not an angry one, it's rather, just a note. a note that i am writing alone in my backyard addressed to you.
i honestly wish nothing bad to happen to you. honestly. i would hate it if i ever made you feel bad about yourself. which kind of sucks because if you're feeling a bit more negative in result of me, i apologize, but it sucks even more because if it is me, or just some things about me, then i'd have to stop. but just guessing if it's how i've been down lately...well it's kind of like a circle. i am down, you are down because i am down, i am even more down. it's not you its me. that cliche fits so perfectly here. well...in this hypothetical situation.
somethings i feel don't have importance because i think nothing is important. life is just life in my view, something that we as organisms gained the ability to create thoughts...and just thrive upon them, and develop them. i am thinking impulsively here, but i hope you can get the just of what i am saying. we're just beings, if that. the whole thing about what is reality, i question reality everyday, to me it just resembles the matrix or something. just data or someshit. rather phenomenol and stuff. but in regards of me thinking nothing is important in the scenario of me believing in reality and that everything is real...well...it's just with the perspective that if i was someone else, looking at me, i'd think critically of them. it's just a phase, you will get over it. and if it does pass, why am i dwelling on it now. if i just know it will pass, which i feel i know it will pass, but yet believe that i will always be like this...i just think that i shouldn't think too much about it because i'd just be wasting time. i just let it be and see what will come out of it. if it is what i am told..that it will pass, then alright, i will wait for that time, but for now, i will do nothing. because...it will just pass. right?
sometimes people take their own death into their own hands. i think that's rather amazing. i myself don't really know too much of what i am capable of...but understand...if i would ever take my own life, instead of greiving or thinking too much about it, just rather instead...know that i did it. i wanted it all to end, and for this to be over. whatever 'this' is. it's no one's fault but my own. i am just a human, who made a decision.
meanwhile, in regards to my heart. it's dieing. this is rather akward to say in respect to the fact that i told you i still like you just a bit ago. i don't like liking you. well, i like you because i do right. but i don't like the idea of me liking my own friend. my great friend that i care about. i don't want anything to ever happen to our relationship that would have the result of breaking it apart. that would just ruin me. but moreover, my heart. yes, i really think that i'm not even bisexual. like...sure, that's what i'm attracted to...but i could never love someone kind of thing. i could never really share a deep relationship with anyone, because i would only ever do that if i liked them you know..and i only want a relationship of which that could happen, but it will never come. so i will never love kind of thing.
i wonder what other friends talk about eh?
after you hung up, i felt like crying, but i didn't. instead, i went inside, got whatever and just went out and had a smoke. it's unsettling, because i was thinking odd thoughts of us not being friends right...and it wasn't deep or anything...just went through my head. but it was unsettling by how i was so calm about it. and it made me realizse that i was depressed. more than i thought. i don't want to loose you, ever. but i am just calm when i think about the idea if we ever did. it would suck. but...it's like, i know i'm fucked up already right, and it's just...well, since i'm already fucked...what's the big deal. well the big deal is you chelsea. you're fabulous. i wish all the best to you. because...you try, and i admire that. i admire you. you are wonderous. everyone in the world is wonderful actually. but yet...i look down upon them, as if i am on a big thrown. and i hate that i think that because if i heard someone say that...i'd just be like ' what the fuck, who do you think you are?' but i only feel that way because...or in result of...me having a different mind set. i am so calm about the stuff that frightens them. but i'm not truly calm about it.
a week ago, i was having a smoke...and i became scared. scared of the idea of developing cancer...then dieing. but i was generally feeling good at that time, and now, it doesn't bother me too much. i chose to smoke...in the hopes that i would. i would die. uncureably. can't stop it. a finishing fate. the finale of my 'life'. it's like...saying yes to extra salad dressing. extra cheese. it's all good.
i tend to write a lot when i write to you.
to just summarize...or something. i am actually apologizing about making you frustrated towards me, because, i know you weren't before, and it is something i can apologize about, because it is me. and i don't want you to be angry, or sad or anything. you're beautiful chelsea. i appreciate you staying by me thus far. it's more than what i could ever ask for. it's really amazing.
loving you as a friend, and even more. foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkim

La Mer

A C C E P T A N C E



It is how it is.
People drown them selves in shallow water.
People are occupied by their interpretations of what is superficial and what is ‘deep’.
Their philosophies are just words that they use to strangle themselves.
It is not strength, it is not genuine, and it is not valid.
Each their own, yes, but you are stubborn and unlearned.
Open minded with the neglect of opening all closed doors.
Fear to explore because you have already concluded.

Conclusion: A state where one is exhausted from thinking.

Why bother, you say, to ask those questions when you already know their answers?
Why bother, because you already know.
You are ignorant, and encourage your personal development of stupidity.
I beg to differ; it is not us of whom are hopeless, it is solely you.
You are just too blind; you have shut your eyes far too much. Therefore not all the light is taken in, and your perspective is distorted, and poorly managed.
It is not we who shut you out, who exclude you, who boarder you away from us.
It is you of whom who segregates.
You say you have given up, when you have not tried.
You say you once had tried, but do note, that you once had tried.
You have given up hope.
You are hopeless

You have run out of paint for your canvas of life – therefore you have finished painting.
Still,
You think-not of the other side to this canvas, the mere lack of paint on your palette, and the unopened tubs of pigment at your side.
Are you afraid of their colour?
Or just satisfied with the painting you have created.
Then why complain?

The reason that your painting looks flat and grey, is that you have not washed your paintbrush. You have become too lazy, therefore have settled with that bland image, and have dared called it:
Life & its Completion.

Your opinions are merely such; they are NOT strong, rather stubborn.
The only thing that possesses some strength is the defensive wall of which you are trapped. And it does no good to the expansion of your mind. It is a negative source that restricts an open-mind from staying open.
You are shutting yourself off and away.
s e g r e g a t i o n

These opinions, they are weak, and not your own. You use their hollow and unknown meanings as a personal guide to your life. They give you false reason.
They were not discovered through your own personal journeys of thought. They did not manifest solely within yourself, you have just merely come across them, drawn in by their glimmer and shine, and have ‘finders = keepers’ them.

It is not as if you are resourceful in time management. You know the words, but not their meaning. It is that you have cut so many corners that you have lost your way.
You have lost yourself. You are as hollow as it gets.

You’ve said it so many times that it must be true, being someone who cannot go back on their words because they are a coward when it comes to admitting their foolishness. It’s pride from false reasons. You know not who you are, so you just stick with the fact that you’re not anyone else.
You are ‘not of us’.

They are pretending
They are playing dress up

They treat words as a sense of fashion.
They dress themselves up from the words they have read from their pocket dictionary and its neighbouring thesaurus.

They structure their opinions, their ‘perspective’, their own self, with these hollow words that were merely overheard. To pronounce them with pompous attitudes, only because they feel that superiority comes with the quantity of words a tongue may hold.

They have not yet experienced the saying ‘simplicity is perfection’.
They have not yet explored themselves, their world, their lives, their reasons…
… They ALREADY have concluded.
They are lazy.

Input = Output
What you give, is what you get.
b a l a n c e

They are the ones who do not wipe their ass after each shit they make, because they feel it is hopeless because it’s your shit hole, it’ll always be dirty, and there’s no use of trying to wipe it all away every time. They say this with the attitude of a spoiled child.
Further more daring to complain of the rash that develops in-between the cheeks.

They segregate themselves.
They segregate themselves.
They segregate themselves.

You start your sentences off with “Since I have such opposing views, society…”
You argue, for the sake of argument.
To show how different you really are, and it’s a shame that you have to share your life with us.

It is the same thing, constantly, and you lack REASON.
You lack explanation. You lack structure. You lack perspective.
Yet, you give the same reason for why you can’t support your own perspective:
We didn’t get it then, so why would we now.
You have tried, and since your views are so oppositional, they were shut down.
And since people shall never change, why should you waste your valuable time trying to prove yourself to their worthless, hopeless selves.

You might as well go and swallow some sleeping pills.

You are fucking pathetic.

You are speaking to yourself…
…seeing the world as another manifestation of you.
You are looking into a mirror, you just do not notice because you do not even know
who you are.

So why are you painting when you are colour blind;
To show the unsurpassable talent that you possess?
Oh me, you are so skilful with your brush techniques.
If only we could EVER be able to be as GLORIOUS as your-fucking-self.


Everyone pity,
this poor stubbornly ignorant, arrogant victim of the world.

For she is so
fucked up,

it’s pathetic.