Now it is I who have found myself guilty. Both our egos clash - and our communication is not strong, but a desire is there. We talked, she spoke, I did some.. then it broke off because there was nothing being resolved, but everything being brought up.. and so she's like, "But, I have nothing more to say now, and I gotta go and do my stuff." I felt downhearted..oh no! No s/m?! And then I really did feel sorry.
Like a scientist with a pig fetus to play with...I am sorry, but I am in the nature of the scientist... and does this Pig Fetus exist for me? Or for itself?
For itself. Sorry Marena, you are human.
I slightly feel less comfortable in my skin. Just as I did to you..
Do I accept this? My desire to go to the opposite extremes on a roller-coaster of relationships and emotion? What security does it bring? If it brings security at all. If Marena and I start off bad and end in good - then I like it. But whereas with Andrew, we started off good and ended up bad? - what aspect of him is there to cling? The bad? Am I bad now? With respect to Marena and I.. I think we're good now. Not solid. But good still. Fuck, she was about to cry. And saying things that were real, gahhh. Wiping away this ego of mine would be nice. It has a tendency to hurt others.
