Today is a day, or morning, since it isn't even 10 yet.. when I would prefer to be wearing contacts, rather than my shaded light plastic blue glasses. Like, I kind of want to be comfortable and safe, rather than how I feel right now. a bit shaken up. a bit nervous. But, not necessarily knowing why. I had my shower today and that was fine but cut, and then woke up and made a smoothie, but it was critiqued. Yesterday she even critiqued my smoothie, questioning why I filled it so. Her solutions don't even solve. I don't even know why I'm saying this stuff. The little nuances. I feel like if I go into paint today, I might not paint that well. I'll just be all.. shaken up and stuff. This is the perfect time to have a shot of vodka. But maybe I'm just looking for a reason to. Like, the goal isn't necessarily to have a shot of vodka, neither is it to blame another individual for my being, but rather just to feel like this. To feel on edge and nervous. I guess right now I'm even trying to collect myself a bit. It's like some how, the floor beneath (within) me started to wobble.. and as I was alarmed, I do try to .. acknowledge its existence, but still.. regroup.
Fuck, I may just be looking for drama.
I should go to school.
