this is how I feel right now: Bottom lip tingling, but only on the right side. Breasts low, for it is an unwired bra. Content and displeased.. for there were two drawings which I have just done out of four. One of which is a bunny's face, and it just isn't satisfactory. Then another, a cow, and it is. It's just there and lovely. Wh would have thought, the thing which initially displeased me the most, is now the current winner. I'm going out tonight, but it's okay. Why? Because .. I'm jeopardizing time that could be best and calmly spent on doing my drawing homework, but alas, I'm going to go out with a friend. A good and nice friend who gives me love and comfort and who allows me to give it back. They will be leaving, maybe. So, all in all, although education is a social must, and yes, a must for myself. It is always the importance I see in my relationships, especially if they do something for me, which may be unknown, you know? I dunno.. But relationships is where it's at. I don't mind running myself dry, so to speak, or setting myself up for a sprint later on, if it means to hang out with people that I like. That I care for. It's like.. no matter what assignment may be due, or what paragraph I must correct, or what flight I might catch.. sleep I shall lose, ugliness that shall show.. it's like.. spending time with them to proove that they mean something. Sacrifice in a way. And of course, there are days where this isn't so. Where I've either spent too much time with them, or other things have collected so much, or I see it as putting my self as secondary (in a negatively perceived way), where I then change it up. Sorry, I can't talk with you, let alone be super-sweet about it - I gotta get my shit done. Good bye.
Inter and intra personal dynamics are cool like that. Like multiple waves of energy interacting with one another. Determinism and randomness. That one drawing of this plastic cow I did definitely made me happy. Which - might be strange. But, it's an accomplishment which I am proud of. Especially since it came after that shitty ass one I did. Fucking fail. But no prob. It's like the journey that counts, not the destination, so I mean... The journey of drawing that shitty bunny drawing was super awesome, it just didn't end up to where I would have liked it.
So flat.
You know.. for all you.. venus conjunct chiron, and neptune opposition chiron, and venus in cancer folk... you know when you just keep on thinking about someone? Isn't it just damn crazy. How the mind may use its imagination to its will. In dreams, in wakes, in dreams, in sleeps. In writings in drawings, in carvings and so on. It's crazy. But not in the way that 'crazy' is meant. It's just.. continuous. Which, in itself, I find interesting. I guess my chiron and neptune are fucking.. just having a field day with this. What with the unknown, the inconsistencies, and the less is more sorta distance = love sorta thing. God bless, I hope you know what is meant.. or not.
Imagine how many words I've written. In my life. I can still remember to learn how to write down a capital E. Kindergarten man. You know what could be cool, to relive some things again.. just.. superb.
So, I must write this out, because eitherwise I will be stressing out. And words.. as my thoughts manifest.. calm me. especially right now. I feel more rational actually, rather than emotional. Which.. is nice. Because, I was super emotional, and down a couple days ago, so I'm welcoming this very much.
Tomorrow, monday. Paint before class, because I'm 92% done.
What else.. hopefully, or no.. I'm going to pack a lunch before I go. But I'll wake up at 7. And do such. Leave at 9, and go. Then paint by 10. Class starts at 1. I have all my shit there. Check the sheet before hand.. and then.. yhup.
Also pack a dinner. So I'll just pack a giant lunch. Just pack a lot of food.
Okay well then. See yah, good night
