Fuck man, I'm super stoked about my last 2 Final projects I did for Drawing and Paint & Print.
The only thing that is certain, is that nothing is ever certain. I'm standing at the back of my hallway set up - I'ma call it pseudo-exhibition, and I've gone through each piece, from the 2 triplets, to this piece imaged here, and then my paper embodiment. There's a desire that I have to know me, I'm trying to think of a name for this Exhibition, and "Who am i" comes to mind, because it's always in the mind. But it's not the title, so don't worry. (It's super evident-obvious? I would guess) I'm being super critical of the title idea.. but I'ma move on.
There are 4 pieces in this arrangement, 3 for Paint & Print, and one for Drawing. My first one is the prologue to the set up. Hairs stick out on the first head, and then my Image looks at you, and then I look away further along into the hallway. A construction of a.. I don't know what to call it.. but think about the shape of stairs. Right angled, and equally sized rectangular shaped faces.. if all the steps on one axis were of the same image, completed with all the steps on the other axis with another image, and if you were to walk by this form (the zigzagged stairs are being looked at in bird view) .. so you're walking by this collection of different angled images.. you will see the image change. Similar to those billboards made of triangular prisms.. sorta like that. But anyways.. I had 3 prints of 3 photos of my face whilst in NSCAD, none of which I truly identified with. Like, I could never have them as my profile picture, because I do not recognize that person there. Then we come to my painted and masked self. My image is superficial, and what I'm being recognized with, and identified with is flesh, and is determined by what another sees. But what's underneath the mask, is what I've created. Whatever I really am, I guess, is trying to make an actual self-portrait. My last piece is my drawing's sketchbook-project. I deconstructed what sketchbooks I had used that semester, and made them into a wall piece that had a figure trying to reach with its outstretched hand, my masked self-portrait. My understanding of a sketchbooks is that each drawing and page is a cell that makes of your existence. But the image and contents are of your.. creation. So they're all bits and even smaller bits of what/who/how you are who you are. In theory they're you, just dissolved and leaking out at certain times. So this habit of trying to understand who you are, through your drawings (I should be saying, me, instead of you) I understand how i've felt and seen myself and others, and my environment during the times when i've used my sketchbook. So this attempt/process of self-discovery.. why my trying embodiment is reaching for my artistically-created trueness, if it's even true.
A lot of hums and hahs, maybe. I think I might be trying to make it sound all deep. But this whole thing is like an attempt of trying to see what I am. You are what you eat - dear god then, eh. But you are who you are because of your actions and thoughts - holy shit then. You are above/below/separate from all things that you can ever know. CAN EVER.
Identity / Self Recognition / Comfortability with the instability, and with the desire for a changing self, is like eternally wanting to live forever, but die young. And then I don't know how else to enjoy myself without this internalized energy. Maybe that's what I am. A lactose intolerant person, will eat cheese, even though they will liquid poop it out. But it's neither the cheese nor the intolerance that they prefer, or the consequential diarrhea that will occur. It's the process. Then maybe the desire for the process. The desire is the combination of both their external world, and their internal world, neo-oneness with the universe, lol. I know I'm one with the universe, because from what I eat of it, I poop it.
