So this morning was a good day.
I stayed up last night until 2 AM finishing cutting cubes and what not. I was woken up by my two alarms.. yet slept through them. My class started at 8:30, and at 8:09 I came into reality and thought, OH SHIT, I gotta get to class. So whatever, I went over, ensuring I had washed my face and gathered my cubes into a bag and had a smoke for the way. I only ended up smoking about 2/5 of the smoke, tossing it when I had to retie my shoe. It wasn't bad, like I wasn't late for class or anything, seeing as I live across the street from it.
The class was exTREMEly dull for the first two or so hours, I dunno, maybe it was one hour. It felt like an eternity anyways. Talking dully about the photos we took of street constructed forms from last class. The only thing that was agitating me was the stool on which I sat, then of course my one runny nostril. I hated wiping it on my sweater (Olivia's sweater, sorry!) due to the close proximity we were sitting to one another, the class, I was becoming more and more self conscious of the viscosity of my snot. Any ways.. I couldn't leave and blow my nose, because I was in the mid-centre, and then I knew I had to speak, because I choose 3 different photos.. yadda yadda, I became an essential speaker to the photos which were inevitably going to show up.. so I held back.. snuffing and wiping, subtly, away..
And then, after the photos.. after, we as a class went to this Wig Wam, and I was the only one out of the three which remained whom spoke with the Elder Mic Maq.. And so when my teacher addressed those of whom who stayed longer.. what they had experience, I.E. MOTHERFUCKIN' ME... I had one last nostril inhale, so full of moist heat.. and spoke in my.. Mercury in Taurus voice, explaining the awkward things which occurred during my brief encounters with those indigenous folk.. and they were funny. The contrast of the three awful incidents I spoke of.. to the fucking long and boring slide show of uncomfortably sat stale photos.. made me sound incredibly funny. At least.. what I had said was the first light hearted and animated thing that had been done throughout the class, this morning. Of course.. I did ATTEMPT at a joke, and failed, thereafter.. ending up with only two exhaled and low laughs.. but whatever.
And so, we ended that bit, and started off to create structural forms and shadows using spot lights and our cubes as our next class activity. All, minus one person, had used the flat paper on which we were to project our shadows left on the table top. I instead folded instead, so that it was perpendicular to the horizon, and thereby created a shadow-scene. I was complimented on it.. this one guy said that it was 'so creative!', and two others gave praise or whatever. But that one guy, him and I ended up joking throughout the class. At first I was confused, because I don't know who this guy is, I like how he was joking, but I don't know.. a lot of pre cautionary steps.
Throughout the presentations of everyone else's cube-shadows, I had spoken out a lot. I was very free and had spoken out to pretty much everyone's piece. There was this one guy, not the compliment dude, but another guy from my drawing class, whom is very attractive... and anyways.. him and I were warming up to one another, in terms of conversation and standing by the other. In any case.. it's not like it was anything, but it was nice. Nicely subtly, so much so that it might'ven't existed in any sense, except mine own.
But anyways.. I joked with the first cube-shadow complimentary dude, and then warmed up to the one guy from my Drawing class.. and then ended up weaving in and out of connective glances and facial responses to the other males within my class. Not ALL of them.. but three more or so. Enough so that I went home and fucking showered twice, and bought a bottle of wine, had a glass, and had some spaghetti, I'm so friggin happy.
I was talking a fair bit, and was speaking a lot. For the stories of the TWO THAT GOT AWAY, I had TWO VERY VALID POINTS, I know it..one girl's art looked like vaginas.. and everyone was saying how sensual it was, and how soft it was, and how natural it was.. FUCKING VAGINAS! I wanted to say it so bad.. and i KNEW, i K N E W that everyone else was thinking that.. but alas.. I didn't. Also for this other kid's outlay of cubes.. it got dismantled due to the unexpected obstruction of another student's path.. tripping over the light chord.. messing shit up. And in any case.. he ended up almost crashing the lights to the ground.. yet still the cubes were the first and only things to fall.. so then the kid whose assignment this was.. ended up adapting and improvising out of his ass. But it worked fine. IN MY HEAD. I swear, I had the mother fucking answer to why he had to adapt to this, how his cubes' structures took form to his attitude, how it was a self reflective piece, how it was another step of an acceptive attitude for unexpected events, to expected chance, to planned happenings. How the unexpectedness of his outlay was in itself the only way in which his point would be validated.. rather than just stated on a static display of cubes.. and their shadows. His was the only project which brought up points of discussion, his was the only one in which we all became a bit aggressive and agitated so much that everyone ended up talking. Everyone had a valid point to say. I didn't say anything. All I had the chance to say was "I think.." and then only to be cut off. GOD DAMNIT, I wanted to say so much, but seeing as I had already said a lot, and these were only to be of one minute presentations.. his was becoming an eternity of fun.. we had to move on. I think that kid deserves an A. A fucking A PLUS + . Anyways.. the reason for which I find his quick and adaptively acceptive blurb so interesting and a thing for which to become enthusiastic is because of the 20 minute long and boring video we had watched at the beginning of the class.
The lady who was showcased for this video.. her work was detailed.. yet had barely any conceptual thinking to it. It was merely cut out pieces of paper, detailing intricate and narrative designs.. yet remained stale and blank. No thought, no conceptual reasoning behind anything.. At least that's what the general critiquing of the class had laid over her and her work.
This kid.. his was explosive in terms of unpredictability. He had no reason to focus on the perfectionistic design of his cubes.. but instead had all the power in the world to disturb conventional thought. It's not the work itself, it's the process on which it came to be. It's the ever-changing process.. he has no control over his work's environment, and why would he pretend to in any case?
His entitlement to creating some significant discussion out from mere sheets of paper is remarkable. His innate ingenuity hypnotizes me even within my silence.
Thank you, Kid.
Kim.
inadequate. You tend to make great demands on yourself and you may fear that feelings of inadequacy and uncertainty may prevent you from fulfilling them. If your personality is more combative, your mood is likely to swing between aggressively wanting to protect your independence and freedom and times when you feel less capable which may shake your belief in your achievements and personal resolve.
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