God bless Camerica

It's not like cooking solves my problems, but by god do I get to cook. I'm trying to time manage my appointments with people and teachers, and I don't want to step on anybody's toes - but after emailing to solve an appointment issue, I am starting to feel better. Just in time as my pirogues are just about done.

Speaking of stepping on people's toes, how do you tell someone that you don't enjoy their company any more because they annoy you? Is honesty accepted if it hurts someones feelings? But then again, I am still hurting their feelings by not talking to them. Sung su, it's not that I don't like you, it's just that you are needy, and don't give me space, and I don't care about anything you say, I find you lame, before I can find cool. I feel like you are draining the compassion out from me, because I can read your actions, and false as they could be, I perceive that you want me to care about you. I do not care if you leave early. I do not want to walk home with you, because I do not want your company. Do not approach Shaun, saying I am looking for him. Why do you do this? Why am I doing this? This is a person being a friend, but I do not want their company. How do I nicely say - just stop talking to me for a while. I don't know what this situation is - I haven't come to analyze it, so I don't really know how to react.

I'm nice to people, yes, but then it doesn't mean that I have to continue to be nice to them. To quote Sung su, "What's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine." Please, I do not mind giving out food, in fact, I achieve pleasure from it, But I do not like it when people expect me to give them my food, my anything. Look after yourself. No, you cannot have my food. Do not ask for my food after Shaun has some, you are in no way shape or form the same as him.

Ew. I am finding you disgusting.

I am judging you. And yes, shure, judged and be judged. But I need space, and I need people not to abuse my friendliness. By continuously telling me that they are hungry, THOUGH YOU BROUGHT YOUR FOOD. I ask, "why are you complaining that you are hungry, if you have food?" Oh.. "Kim, should I eat?" "Oh my gosh, I am getting so fat." WHAT THE FUCK. WHO ARE YOU? Do they not fucking know. Can I seriously just tell them to fuck off? But we're not intimate like that, and I don't care about them enough to give them my opinion. Oh my gosh, I actually do feel like vomiting. And I do not know why. Not actually - it just makes me sick, psychologically, my stomach is ill. Okay. Yes, I am telling you my problems, but you can close the browser. With him, I plug in my earphones and play the music loud, and he STANDS ONE FOOT AWAY FROM ME, HOVERING, REPEATEDLY.  What the fuck. Yes, this is all cool if you are my friend, but you are not my friend DISGUSTING FLY!..

I feel evil, and extremely passive aggressive, I mean come on. Obviously this is my niche. But fuck it, I'm just expressing. Later on I may analyze and contextualize it.

I split half a pack of cigarettes yesterday with a friend. And I'm half done that half. Woot Woot! I'm going to smoke one tonight before I sleep. Why, am I freaking out?

Goodnight. GOd bless.

sweet love

i just had a really nice conversation with william. I feel good because i have just finished a can of sardines. I drank a bottle of italian wine. I have thought of such a wide variety of things with william, so that we need to talk tonorrow as well, but also because I saw shaun, and made moulds of Liv's breasts. galf of a cigarette culd b cool right nowww. i hope that that amount of wine isnt a bad thing per se. i spoke with will for two hours and six minutes. I msged shaun if he wanted to talk, but alas, i believe he sleeps. i love people so much at times it makes me scared. how do I express it, without scaring them away? there are spme bugs  in our pantry. its a bit fucked. marena didnt seem to care much about them, but whatever. i got them then. i felt myself gerting a bit turned on after all that phone talk philosophy talk. just is how it is man.  i love a good discussion, that amkes me feeling like i know shit but that also fluxuates into me knowing all da shit. it's nice. i might skeep on the couch tonight, but i might not. i wpuldnt mind it to be honest. will made me learn that i have a different dwfinition of what determinism is than what is described by God in the bible. maybe sleeping on thw couch isnt too bad, just gotta take out the bra. man, striaght up, i like the idea pf getting sex, a lot. of course now, really. i mean, if u know my past experiences, then it really is, things are looking up.  meh, maybe ill just sleep in my bedroomx goodnight. sweet love.

On and Off I came to this

Hey,

I only wanted to post a few words up concerning contentment. I've made my own pasta noodles. I'm fairly proud of them. I'm also cooking scallops I took out of the freezer a couple of days ago. I'm about to cook a bit of the pasta for tomorrow. And I've cooked up some pancakes (from oatmeal I didn't eat before), so that I have them as one less thing to do tomorrow morning. I recommend cooking more with herbs de provence. Damn that shit smells good.

I'm hanging out with a good friend this thursday. I can remember last year to a T. Staying up late, trying to finish an assignment. But if I want thursday night free, then I must work diligently Wednesday night. I am cooking for the next while, I guess.

Today I don't know if I did much school work to be honest. We drew a bit in drawing class - they were slick and nice drawings, just of a room, so it looked like a room with a lot of stuff on the floor. In Feminism Art History today, we received back our exhibition review, which was 45% of our mark. I received a C-. Yes friends, holy shit indeed. With tru honesty, I would give it a B, maybe B-, for a very very long exhibition review (although reviews are traditionally kept shorter than the 5 page request). Claire and I were talking, it seems more like Mary was asking for an essay. She explained the assignment in further detail after she saw that half of the class did poorly. What is one to think? In honesty, if I did receive a good mark, I probably would not plan to go and talk to her about this. But, I essentially do not want a bad grade. If she had wanted an essay format piece, aka, an essay, I would have given this assignment the attention it deserves as an essay. A paper.. dear god. I refuse to talk about it here.

Anyways.

I'll just leave it at that.

Good night : )