Mornings adrift.

Darling, we have so much to see.

Soley - Pretty Face

    I'm enjoying Soley's accent a she sings.  I do not think she is from Scotland, but I have an urge to go there now. Why not. Why question some things? Maybe I was in tuned with some part of my pre-determined life, when at 19 I said I'd like to go to Scotland by the age of 23. 

Hah! I am 22 and a half years old, to this day. Count my age, by counting the rings on my fingers - free since day one.  Let me live in words.

 

In need of music.

Oh phone, where are you. Music to my soul, fuel to my endurance, I need your data. I need your batteri, and the earphones into you I plugged. Your output is my input. My input, your output, out putting me to my family, and few friends.

Where I thought I knew I put you, you are gone. Vanquishing, only leaving me with doubt. Fragments of a memory, not knowing where you rest now after I held you in my hands.

Coming back to my house, I cannot find you. Maybe you still lay in my bag at school. Doubting again. Will I ever find you?

Over and Over again.

Good Morning,

I am listening to four windows of this playlist, it's quite interesting: Rec Royal playlist #9


I have definitely three pages ready for the book, but also one more. Which is just as much finished, it could be enhanced a bit. I had some serious involvement with the production of these images/drawings yeseterday. Holy. Three brownies : ), ahahaha. And then three more later on in the day. The trouble is, I feel like you can only get one eureka high during the day. Maybe. One we're you're super active, and not super tired. That, also I wasn't peaking in energy come the nighttime. I will probably end up adjusting that last maybe image.

Just keep on going, and hopefully you will like it.

or

Just keep on going, until you like it.


Mm?

Today is a day

Is today as weird as it feels?

Sooner than you notice, the same day that happened last week appears again.

Life just.. not zooming.. before your eyes.. the sensation of it zooming by occurs, when one mind remembers instances long ago. For a young mind with little memory, perhaps life is long, and delayed. Zooming is a by-product of memory. Yet also.. it can feel like it's been a long time.

Maybe none of this is decipherable, because, it's just however you feel that day. And however you feel affects, and filters your memories, and in what honor or non-honour you wish to recollect them.

This is the playlist to set the mood

Just walking into the kitchen today. Microwave some soup I made two nights ago. Why do I have to eat over and over again? My mood: not too spectacular, sluggish. By-product of said mood: Calm, looking for the spectacle.

Limbo: Smoke a cigarette? Write out nothing? Read? Eat?

I have class in an hour and a half, and that feels like a short amount of time, because it feels like a short amount of time. I slept in late, maybe this reflects it all. I dislike going to bed at midnight, it's stupid really. I know the consequences. It's waking up at 930, fuck. Too tired.

Maybe there are no answers, just imagination.

There are words that I repeat to myself oftentimes. Let's call them monthly themes. And one has been, "Be true to your emotions, but do not sabotage yourself."

This is where I feel self-judgement comes into good use. Self-critical? But.. with what theme? With what garnish? This can leave someone feeling very badly, or of no purpose, useless, or.. awesome?

Okay.

Two things, yet... sort of one signal:

A bite. And a nibble. Both involve using the teeth, and closing the jaw, and let's say it's on flesh. Because I like flesh.

Now. The bite, connotes something bad, like either a defensive or offensive measure.

The nibble is cute, sensuous, done in bed, you know, lovey dovey.

Now, two things, but seemingly one. To judge.

Now, judging yourself.. you can do it, because you feel like you need to put yourself down. Your goal is to see bad and maliscious judgements on the self.

Yet, also. There is making judgements, or gadging, or thinking critically.. it's seeing things as they are, acknowledging your moods, and how they affect the assessment, especially if you are assessing yourself. Now, if you're doing this all because you want self-improvement, then.. right on. Right on right on.

But of course maybe, don't think too much in life, just go with it.

Two photos I will include. One of this drawing sculpture I made, and another of the current stage my stone carving is in. I mapped out the chains. There is a very large error in how I carved it, but let's see how it turns out.. it's fucking.. ludacris. But more on that later...

Oh, and this is a good message from a Church, from Emo, Ontario's website.
"For some people, stepping through the doors of a church is a life-giving, routine event, while for others it can be an intimidating and fearful activity that they have avoided for years.  Whatever your background or experience with followers of Jesus, we at Calvary Baptist Church invite you to join us on a Sunday morning as we study God’s word, the Bible, together and seek to have it shape our thoughts and actions."

 I like it because I'm the one where it's not a routine, haha. Fully intimidating. HAH! Just a set of doors, but means a lot more. mm.

No more standing.

One song. One fucking song only;

http://youtu.be/cbpP4iQlpb0

Take the edge off

http://youtu.be/0tcDXJfAFVw

A pusher.

You want to hear some words?

Nervous, but doesn't want to show it, she puts the poem she'll read atop of a stand. Now, her hands are free. And as she breathes, exhales song and feeling, and inhaling grief, lonely breathes pumping her life, she reads..

[ All fools in love

blown by the wind.

Optimism flourishing

an impossibility

I wake up

worried about the distance

just wait it out

Perhaps she's making it worse

makes me guilty for wanting it

we are waiting

Powered by your emotions

maybe it will love you back

get driven

crave them at times

a fabulous breath of 

Sourir sans caution

The sunrise is around now

I think  I am here

eyes still tired

Tumbleweed comes

wise, they became fools

a dream, fully real

whatever it is, it was beautiful ]

Stepping back, she hopes she was as clear and audible as she hopes. She hopes no quivers dwelled in her voice. She hopes her voice was strong. I wonder what pictures they all thought. I want them to see this paper, so she moves away and permits them to hopefully stand and look at the following images.

Three black ballpoint ink drawings, and three typewritten poems. How are they arranged?

[ Over skin, feeling you softly
This is my remedy
Smiling at me. Hey.
if I am angry, it comes from resent
People doing whatever they want
Remain Honest ]

[ I wake up.
Worried about the distance
Perhaps she's making it worse
just wait it out. ]

[ He shows me the sounds of some words
a fabulous breath of
an impossibility
Rewarding inasmuch as it is scary
in those situations
wise, they became fools
I am tired of being scared ]

_._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._._.-.-._._.-._._

 Hey. My teacher Dan had demonstrated this really neat method on word/phrase/image construction. He cut out lines of words, from magazines, into strips, and after having acquired a collection, he randomly selects a few of them, providing him with phrases/images/pictures/verses.

So I went home and did the same, but used my typewritten entries, and a few from earlier journals this year, as my lyrical foundation. Feels better. Feels.. more reflective, and practical. Before I was questioning, "But who's words ARE these?!" I like it when they are more my own.

Anyways. This, is an experiment.

I've drawn out one image already. Who know it if it will be used.

But, let's continue.

This is one of those.. weed projects.