Is today as weird as it feels?
Sooner than you notice, the same day that happened last week appears again.
Life just.. not zooming.. before your eyes.. the sensation of it zooming by occurs, when one mind remembers instances long ago. For a young mind with little memory, perhaps life is long, and delayed. Zooming is a by-product of memory. Yet also.. it can feel like it's been a long time.
Maybe none of this is decipherable, because, it's just however you feel that day. And however you feel affects, and filters your memories, and in what honor or non-honour you wish to recollect them.
This is the playlist to set the mood
Just walking into the kitchen today. Microwave some soup I made two nights ago. Why do I have to eat over and over again? My mood: not too spectacular, sluggish. By-product of said mood: Calm, looking for the spectacle.
Limbo: Smoke a cigarette? Write out nothing? Read? Eat?
I have class in an hour and a half, and that feels like a short amount of time, because it feels like a short amount of time. I slept in late, maybe this reflects it all. I dislike going to bed at midnight, it's stupid really. I know the consequences. It's waking up at 930, fuck. Too tired.
Maybe there are no answers, just imagination.
There are words that I repeat to myself oftentimes. Let's call them monthly themes. And one has been, "Be true to your emotions, but do not sabotage yourself."
This is where I feel self-judgement comes into good use. Self-critical? But.. with what theme? With what garnish? This can leave someone feeling very badly, or of no purpose, useless, or.. awesome?
Okay.Two things, yet... sort of one signal:
A bite. And a nibble. Both involve using the teeth, and closing the jaw, and let's say it's on flesh. Because I like flesh.
Now. The bite, connotes something bad, like either a defensive or offensive measure.
The nibble is cute, sensuous, done in bed, you know, lovey dovey.
Now, two things, but seemingly one. To judge.
Now, judging yourself.. you can do it, because you feel like you need to put yourself down. Your goal is to see bad and maliscious judgements on the self.
Yet, also. There is making judgements, or gadging, or thinking critically.. it's seeing things as they are, acknowledging your moods, and how they affect the assessment, especially if you are assessing yourself. Now, if you're doing this all because you want self-improvement, then.. right on. Right on right on.
But of course maybe, don't think too much in life, just go with it.
Two photos I will include. One of this drawing sculpture I made, and another of the current stage my stone carving is in. I mapped out the chains. There is a very large error in how I carved it, but let's see how it turns out.. it's fucking.. ludacris. But more on that later...
Oh, and this is a good message from a Church, from Emo, Ontario's website.
"For some people, stepping through the doors of a church is a life-giving, routine event, while for others it can be an intimidating and fearful activity that they have avoided for years. Whatever your background or experience with followers of Jesus, we at Calvary Baptist Church invite you to join us on a Sunday morning as we study God’s word, the Bible, together and seek to have it shape our thoughts and actions."
I like it because I'm the one where it's not a routine, haha. Fully intimidating. HAH! Just a set of doors, but means a lot more. mm.
