K.

The great return.

I have said to myself time and time again that I would not write my words online for the.... inconceivable public to see - but I should shut up, because this is happening...

The last post, the video, I find it to be hilarious. I actually love it.

In essence, we do miss the good things in life, but they needn't happen in vein, maybe. It's hard to let go of false happiness, and hope. Hope is a strong nectar.

I don't want to go into detail - there is and isn't a need to.
...Elsewhere.

I, honest to God - and you know what - it's a bit hard, because I have no immediately as well into it astrology friends - but seriously - you know when Freud is like, "You see how people choose the same type of person for a relationship over and over again? Well - who/what is the only consistent thing? It is you!"

- Yep.

I'm not in a formal relationship right now - but fuck - I have found the... odd similar person - like, astrologically strange similar person.

This is why I need astrology and psychoanalysis friends! This shit is fucking insane!

It all is insane really - which is really soothing in way.

I'm actually... physically calm right now. There were two days that I didn't bite my nails, but just some few moments ago, I have devoured them. Also - I think I may, I think I may, get another pack of smokes. I don't know yet.

I don't know yet if I'm not smoking because of other people, or because of me. I mean I know I hope and wish for myself to have a good life - but maybe I also want to smoke. My dream last night involved a really.. disheartening experience, one in which I was trying to resolve it as if it happened in 'real' life, for one hour after I awoke. I had to keep on reality checking myself, "Kim, it does not matter! This did not even happen! There's nothing you can do for the past - ITS IN THE PAST!" aka, mother fucking inexistent. Seriously. What if I was hung up on how someone (hypothetically, but prob not) hurt my maternal grandma's feelings while she was working in the rice fields - the fuck would it matter! Of course it happens, feelings are real, sensitives are sensing, and so c'est la vie! Shit happens! The joy of food both is rich and luxourious and special, but it is also simoultaneously inasmuchas it will always be - SHIT! All this food we buy and eat, is just shit. All this life we live and hope for - is full of shit! And despair at times too.

It's a little bit beautiful if it's seen in the right way.

Of course, this is coming from someone who's scared of having a shitty life.

I can't control people - so it's easier to not really hang out around them that often.

A lot of things bug me about folks' uniquenesses. All individuality is alright and whatever - but some things about people bug the fuck out of me - and I can't handle it. I don't want it, I don't want to be around it. It's like allergies. I mean - I am in no way shape or form allergic to the air, but at times... due to seasonal changes, and differences of air-make-up, and differences on how I've been personally treating my nose - at times I have such strong allergic reactions due to my nose sensing the air. Same with people - some times, circumstantially, and situationally, I am totally tolerant (tolerant?) to people, or, it's like water on the duck's back - which is great - this is fine.  But other times - My eyebrows raise and my spirit is feeling feisty and justified and not digging anything any piece of lovely humanity-filled shit is saying to me. Of course, I'm not out of my own trajectory - I fuck up too. yeah, great, gotchya, good. But seriously. sometimes, I want to implode.

Heh, I imagine it. It's quite nice. It's like - no, I am not asking for sympathy, but when it's forced onto me, I dunno how else to say it, like someone force feeding me potatoes - it's like - fuck no. Fuck no!

Shit, Christ, .. FUCK NO!

Anyways.

I feel kinda alright.

On a better note - I'm really happy I found that song - it's hilarious.
I'm also stoked that tomorrow I will aim to have no plans with no one and will finish another kick ass painting, hopefully kick ass - so yeah.

Also- I wake up without an alarm.

I've spent no money today or yesterday.

And a friend has been kind to help me out with buying beers one night and such, lol.

But also, it's nice to know that you're still on people's mind. Inasmuchas it is fucking angry-fying, because space is key when space is key, y'know. But it's nice, but also, more importantly right now - they should never start talking again - honestly, shut up. Shut the fuck up.

Strangers, of the world - Don't bother. But if you have some smokes you want to mail to me - this could dreamily potentially be arranged.

God bless.

Always

Seriously.