Well, I was just masturbating, when I came to thinking about rape. How is it that most females whom were sexually assaulted are the ones who end up masturbating later on? So much information is there, and I always try to wonder the reason why it is. When I was masturbating I was imagining being raped, and how confusing it would be of two different sensations to process. One would both be experiencing a sexual sensation, yet being traumatized by the shock of what is actually happening to you.

Then I thought it would be best explained by the usage of narcotics and other destabilizing drugs. Of course they're both related too, the more fucked up you are, the more drugs you take to run away, or if you have been sexually abused, the only thing some times to do is to go out and repeat that abuse again. How is it so therapeutic though? Is it therapy?

Therapy: treatment intended to relieve or heal a disorder. (From my Mac's Dictionary)

It temporarily relieves stress... but only for the time during the act. Yet right afterwards, for me at least, I feel ashamed of what I had just done to myself. Would that be raping oneself?

How if you found one thing that gets the job done, in terms of self abuse, you stick to it.

** And then this morning sucked too. My roommate just can't control her anger - but I've heard that women at 7x more likely to have heart attacks if they don't release their anger. So what am I doing saving her in this moment, not training her how to act through my own anger, and making her live long and not me.

This is bullshit. All of it.