"We have to get the toxins out to even allow the nutrients to get in...
you can't them in there if they are full of poisons
You can't get two things into one space."
Mmm. I would do this in the mornings before I would start biking; drink water.
The greatest and most memorable and general routine I carried was waking up a bit after the sun had risen. The heat of the morning would start to create a humidity in the upper bit of the tent. Sometimes.
Sometimes it would still be cold, really cold actually. And my first hurdle of the day would be realizing and acting on the fact that if I wanted to soonly as possible release the built up fluid pressure in my bladder - I would first have to pack up my tent. But before I pack up my tent, I must change out of my clothes - into the good old sweetly sweaty biking clothes - the essentials, the lean-on-me's, the original, foundational, and ever so casual, biking clothes. I would have to have my skin be exposed to the cold frigid morning air - less warm than my emergency blanket thin sleeping bag concoction of warmth. Goodbye that phase of time. But before I think of any of this - I say to myself - just fifteen more minutes. So I would lay for five, and realize there's no point in the other ten. Getting up - the stark air would shock the warm chest - dank cold sweat from the night still lingering on my bra - and I put it on. Greatly goodness - let it sink in. And somehow, I liked it. I really liked it.
Not finding a place to piss for about another forty five minutes after my mind first rose - you betchya, I can hold it in. I have been fully trained - in this method of contained expansion - it is not the bladder that bursts, but your will to control it. Heh.
*25 years later, Kim would develop a condition.
Let it so be!
I bought a chin-up bar today, and I did a few meager ones, here and there - any ways! There was some effort! Hah! It looks really silly - but it makes me look tough, lmao. To myself.
Furthermore I'm deleting my other facebook account again. I did it on Monday. I know - epic. Many things trigger it - it's just a temptation for me to act on my insecurities and on my evils. Does more harm than good I say. Uncomfortable. I tried to figure out how to hack facebook accounts - not successful - because I didn't try it fully - I didn't want to resort to plan B of actually.. trying. Who knows though if that method would work too - in any case - so much full of shame - deleted. Gone. I do not want those thoughts in my head - so why tempt myself? Why train myself to behave in those ways and think in those ways. Toxins to the brain. A disruption of focus.
I'm fishing for other things to write - but I'll leave with this:
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| Explore Program, 2012 Dana and I juggling |
Trying to not have vain regrets - and making that glimmer of a silver lining grow.
