It's weird, that after these times, it feels good when do you harm to yourself. Not to say that I slit any wrists or anything, but I was thinking about it. Well, I guess any one would too. They're just thoughts I guess, easy in easy out.
Some things though which I did was just drink vodka, and stuff. I went out and bought cigarettes. I didn't really eat anything. As soon as I would step inside this damned place, I'd feel hungry, so then cook. But then something inside would erupt and I would become really angry. When I get angry, I end up throwing all this food in the garbage. Other people's food too, well not really..only today a bit because yesterday I threw my stuff out already.
I've been eating the icing off of a cake my younger brother made with his friends. This morning and yesterday, I was so light headed by any movement - I was so tired.
I know that if I choose to live and proceed and go about with my future and dreams and all that crap; that I should probably stop getting drunk. Because time limits are approaching. Due dates and deadlines.
Something is wrong with my OSAP application too - if I don't get this, then I don't go to school next year - and I stay here, in this dump, again.
It seems sort of hopeless, like before I had it all planned, and then, the week of my birthday, it all just melts away. If I was on my game, I guess I could accomplish these things. Fix the OSAP, fix the driving school, fix the apartment issues, get a job, then move. It sounds simple. But I guess I just don't feel like doing this anymore. Like I know I want to go to school and stuff, but in my head it's just like "how will I get there?"
What are my next steps.
Well, first off. Charge my laptop, charge my phone, brush my teeth, piss and go to bed. Tomorrow I'll call OSAP, and then I'll call for apartments, I'll bring a pad of papers to the library.
My sister wants weed too, but I don't think she'll pay me back. Well, I just don't think she will. I don't know how it will turn out, but in the end, I'm gunna send her the shit, and probably get fucked over with 60 bucks too.
Kush in the mail, cuz i'm a bitch.
Ohh, tomorrow's not going to be a good day. I don't even have time to cook food and eat. I'm going to feel like shit again, for even longer.
Man, sleep.
