Okay.
This day was progress, I guess..
First off, my dream last night, from what I can remember - a lot of Love for Andrew, and some thing else.
The other something else, Wayne brought up, and that's the only way I know that I dreamt of something other than Andrew. Though Andrew was still the last remaining bits to my sleep.
A car, and racing, in some streets. I was running, through some jungle, with a trail going high, up high, to down and steep below. It was raining then, on some streets some where, was I in a race? Cars stopped, all disappeared except for this other car, in which Andrew was.
It could have been a british car, but in any case, I went over and walked along the gravel, and saw him hand gesturing to come in to this black car.
I sat in the left seat - was there talking? Maybe. But we did...hold. Not cuddle, but just hug really. A warm comforting touch.
It went on for a bit, too bad it couldn't be in present day real life. Maybe Andrew dreamt of this as well. Hopefully he dreams of me, either-wise... what am I doing?
But so then, I woke up, off the couch. 9:10 AM I got up and off and did the whole brushing business. Tidied up and gathered my things. My mom and I were going to go to the library. But not before I had a glass of vodka to drink. So off I went - to find apartments and the likes.
One of the first tick offs of the days, one of the apartments which I called, answered a drunk girl. "Ontario, you're not worth it" Okay, one minor set back to my mood.
But then we went back home, after having lunch in downtown Oakville. Which was nice, I love to eat with people. I do. I just don't like to be stuffed with food pressures - oh yes, that is a no-no.
But so then afterwards, we arrived home. 2:30, damn - Wayne was going to be home soon, and I still had to get a wee bit drinky. So I did - Grappa, never buy it. Or do, but really, mm, no.
It's a Brandy made out of Wine left overs, so the pulp and skin and twigs of the grape, tastes like putrid fermented leftovers.
Moreover, Wayne came. (Oh yes, mom and I approached John about his highschool - but he withdrew a bit) We asked Wayne what to do, and he affirmed that it was John's responsibility. Very true, very true indeed - case closed.
So then Wayne and I went off to speak to his church friend, Niel.
Niel had helped Wayne a lot last year with Wayne's parentee perspectives. His end of the barrel gun. So then Wayne referred me to Niel - we both sat through this.
We three spoke for 3 hours. The first 30 minutes of which we spoke of Niel's history - to create a comfort. Then right afterwards "So but How are you? Wayne told me some things about the home life, how's this like?" Niel asked and instantly tears on my part.
Just melted for the next hour or so, probably more. Just melt melt melt melt melt. Felt like crap, but safe. Which is good.
It feels repetative at times, but all for good memory. All I could think about drawing onto the remaining hour was "Dirty Brandy Grappa at home, drink, drink, drink." I let them know this, and they knew it wasn't good for me to do such, and even though I knew it too, still, for a while it was just echoing in my head.
But I went home instead and had couscous.
But I guess, what I had to do near the end of it, after my nose had finished bleeding - Niel spoke about God and stuff.
Of course, I was solid and sort of stubborn, unwilling to really hear this stuff. But why would I sit in science or mathematics and all of a sudden believe that Bohr and Pythagorus were amazing, but refuse to hear this too. I am bias, but on my own account? I do not think so.
So anyways, I left with a mini booklet in hand, and I was off to highlight it later on tomorrow I guess.
Tomorrow's agenda:
-OSAP
-APARTMENTS
-BROCHURES
-CRAFTS SHOPPING
-THEN OLIVIAS
The main thing is that tomorrow night I get to volunteer with these Grade 5 church kids and create an activity which they will do. Taunting, but alas, a step which I must take in order for me to become a teacher in the near future.
Volunteer hours, I am excited for this.
Mini book to high light, I am excited for this.
Oh, and so I came home and after having eaten couscous, I went into my Blueroom and saw this bag of stuff with taped pieces of paper all about it.
Messages from Mum and Dad ~"To: Our Daughter. Kim is it never too late to say sorry. It is not that we did not forget about your birthday, it is just that we did not do what you expected. I hope that this stuff will help you for your apartment in Nova Scotia. Lol Dad. Hope you had a good day. I am sorry. I will pay for 700 of your rent. We talk tomorrow. Please do not be angry. We went to the movies, I thought you were going to be home by 6:00 PM. We'll go to South Common Mall tomorrow. xox"
Something along those lines, which was so nice - I cried while having a full stomach.
Then I called Doris and let her know that I couldn't get her weed because she's a mom and everything and that I hope she still will like me, because I don't want her to not like me. And then I cried saying that Dad hit me, even though I provolked it, but we provolk each other, as I am pro at pushing their buttons. But he messed with me and my dreams for going to school next year, because it is my escape from this life. It is the only thing which I have been thinking about for the past LONG while. So him joking about that, about my dreams made me very very very all the more insecure. And I do not like this. So even though that he has all of a sudden decided to take back what he said and pay for my apartment, it is not cool.
Doris said that she went through the same thing "3 older kids in the house, and then 3 babies, they took it out on us. So we had to leave. I'm so sorry Kim, hearing this right now makes me cry right now. If in any time you need help, know that our door is always open. If you ever need to take a day off, or a weekend, it's always open. Or you can call me, midnight or whenever, my phone is always on. If I don't answer, just text, because I don't have caller ID. I love you sis, let's be close. You don't have to be alone. And no one has the right to hit you."
Beautiful words from a beautiful soul.
Alas, now all I am to do is.. mm.. sleep? it's only 9:36PM too, but I dunno. I just want to sleep I guess. If I can.
Well I will, inevitably. But in any case, this was my day today.
