You know when you're sitting there, hoping, wishing and expecting someone to act a specific certain way for you to you with you.. and you can only measure time passing, because nothing is coming. For those moments, that waiting just leaves you hung and you don't know why your head isn't effective when it reasons with you, so this range of branches in your chest, in the centre of your torso, goes up in flames. There's an ignition that can't be denied, because you're just believing what your feeling, and maybe your need pushes forward the clocks at a greater speed, so that sometime itd be helpful if you could simmer down a bit when it comes to these cravings. I read in to the pauses so much that, well after they had replied, given back, shared again with you, that I'm left with a feeling of shame. It was nothing big, and nothing grand - it just , the pauses, or at least me sitting there waiting (because I choose to), they accumulated into...
I try to be 'communication-efficient', long holdings out, in my romantic-view of the past, I guess they were more heartstrong - depending on all those pigeons and mailmen on horseback with funny hats.
I'm eating anchovies, and remembering how I said years ago, "I don't think I could ever be not vegan, because it just seems like the right thing to do in all ways." Yet, I am not. But I have learned more, about aspects that surround and influence me. Or maybe I'm just thinking differently without a true cause. But so with this... I wonder if there's something false about what I say, or how I feel right now. I'm told nothing lasts, and I nor does anyone else (I'm sure) have actual proof of eternal-ness, but how does one test eternity without letting it run through. It's like watching a movie, stopping half way, and saying, "it has a good ending." But maybe there are ways beyond the physical and beyond time.
