Mono - Poly - Plato

Now I'm not a cheater, but my heart, or mind, does wander with the next kind soul around. I do like tests of loyalty, and my mind and probably heart is full into Sam. Actually. I feel weird when I write all "myheart myheart" because it's Gel pen diary book nonsense, and I naively believe I have become above it.. whereas, I'm not. But I feel silly. So there we go, I feel silly.

Shaun and I in throwing class put clay in our hair. I had said to him earlier that class that I thought it'd be a cool/neat/funny idea.. and so later he's like, "Let's put clay in our hair." I said no, not me, not now.. he did so anyways. But after I had finished my bowl, I did it. My hair is actually quite soft right now.. remarkable.

We are attracted to the other, honestly, it's people meeting people. If Sam and I weren't getting to know each other, I would be with Shaun currently. But.. with an instinctual fall back, I do feel. I want to explore his body, and spend time with him, but he's far too adventurous and stimulating in a sorta terrifying way.. I think? But he's very shy and likes to clean and he's slightly talkative, but with odd breaks. At least with me. And I'm apart of that too. I'm afraid I restrict some of my conversation, because I don't want to seem forward. But then, I don't speak of Sam, because.. it hasn't been brought up.. I think it's a liking of the attention, and a liking of the guy, generally. But combined with the liking of Sam, and the liking of the Sam=something-combo. And a general going with the flow.

I got anxious last Long Weekend because Shaun had invited me out to a party and I could hear myself laugh-flirting, freaked me the fucking shit out. But so I told and asked Sam, what was what, and he said, "don't be afraid to be you, you know." And so huzzah. I feel confident in my own choice of actions right now. I'm going to add Shaun on facebook so he can check out my status, lmao.

And then we can all be friends and live together forever! Fucking rights, hah.
Passiveconfrontations