To the fucking horoscope of explanations.

After spending so many nights, late nights, fulfilling tasks and jobs alike.. my company became my friend. My friendliness, became my gateway; so as to include further, more friends.
After spending so many nights, late nights, with my new co-working friends, I have further more bonded with this, one friend.
We hug good bye now
We'll say hello.
Mamihlapinatapai glues our presence together. It sticks in the room. Oh, our laughter is quite together, funnnnilllyy so.
I don't know or understand who they are to me. How and why they effect me.
I hope this ain't a fantasy.

We spent last night together, first shy, then brave, then divergent, then honest, then cooperative, then giving, then kind. But always kind. Always joking. We each have the same guards, the similiarities are astounding. But the similarities describe the fact that we both lack what we each seek and need. Security is described through neither of our personalities.

I don't know what it is, but last night we hugged. They had said, "Well, I guess I'll say bye and give you a hug now." And so as it was said it was done. Then, unbeknownst to me, they had said, "You're a good hugger." Gah fuck. I was hugging like I didn't want to let go. The first first time we had hugged, I was letting go, but they were still latched on, so I continued to hug, then I would let go, but they were still latched on.. Then I continued to hug.. until.. we both let go. They became really comfortable with me, quickly. I feel honored, I feel responsible, I feel like cherishing. I like taking other people's trust of me, but I am afraid it's difficult for me to share back. Which is in by no means a sharing relationship. Am I comfortable with myself?

After our... third hug (I'm counting hugs), last night, I hadn't hugged a friend like that in a long time. It was a different kind of hug. As it was a hug wherein I did not want to let go, I .. when it came time to let go. I managed to turn my head to the right of their chest, as it was my head nustling into them. It was a love hug. A something hug. I found myself that night turning my head left and right as I was trying and should have been succeeding at falling asleep. All I could do, was continue to feel their sweater on my head. I am .. going .. insane?

You can imagine my surprise, I came onto here to speak of the consistently late nights I had been working at Throwing. And also with the subsequent back pain.. you know, to give you an up to date ness. yet.. I nostalgin' over a hug, no.. through a hug.. over a friend.

They are really nice, and there was a point during our strutt last night, as they were telling their family history.... my heart became real, my eyes became real, I became fueled, saddened and in love, I wanted to nurture the family history, I wanted to meet the brother, and the mother. I wanted to be a part of it, so I could just have them see, through what I see of them, even though I have no met the extend two,.. that they need not feel doomed to forever feel how they feel.

But what am I doing. To the horoscope.