The riding in the humidity is tough. A big change from riding quick in the sheltered clouds, and cool rain/moisture of the air. Today, and yesterday, is like swimming in mud. Spots of shade where the few trees shelter the road are as precious as crystal caves found in the earth rock.
Two days ago? I couldn't go to sleep. It took so long. My mind was in an argument with Marena about what the fuck is up. Finding out what the fuck is up. Seeing how to say what the fuck is up. Is there something up with the fuck? Who knows? I checked my horoscope the next afternoon, it said nothing about aggression. So I looked at my chart, and I saw that Mars is in opposition my Moon right now. I looked that up, it said, HOSTILITY IN HOME. So, voila. That, accompanied with my moon placement...-anyways, I don't mean to say that it's because of the stars I'm feeling this way about the what-fuck, it is more like - this energy is being used to expose some shit. I truly feel better when I see myself without living with Mareena, hot damn. It's just how do I get there.
My mom called me in the morning, asked me how my sleep was - I said bad. It took a LOONGG time to get to sleep. And as soon as we started talking about Marena, my voice is rising and I'm yelling into the phone. It's like the emotion and tone of my inner voice are just being brought into vocal reality. I'm laughing also, because I must look fucking crazy. I'm biking with my phone in my hand, over this bridge, yelling and cursing about a roommate. Ah, life.
My mom's advice, 'enjoy yourself'. Think of good things, you know. Yes yes, I know. But really - to whom can I freak out? What do I do with this anger? That has been the task at hand in the past few days. I've been just angry. Where is it coming from? Are there any issues? Is it just because of physical effort? I hated leaving montreal, because of all the stupid fucking stop signs. I'm not even trying to be optimistic. I am just spitting at everything.
And then, blah blah blah, I try a couple of times to be optimistic, and really - yes. There will be times that I will be DIEING for some scenic thing to stop for. Something to break up the road - aka, the Alberta, Saskatchewan, and Manitoba.
My legs this morning are fucking beat. I'm going to try and do a really early morning thing tomorrow morning. Wish me luck. I gotta remember to motivate myself.
I saw a quote yesterday, "don't take life too seriously, or you won't make out of it alive."
YHEP.
