Boarders for security. Why can't I become the greatest bestfriend to one of my managers? Highschool Teachers? Why is it so 'awkward' to become a soul bound confidante/ bestfidante to any random soul? Some times you get tired and let down by being the person whom makes the first step. BUT FUNNY!.. because as I was just thinking that... there's Dalida of whom I see one of those friendships happening with, and at a glimpse of the depth or what-have-it-may-be... I got scared a bit. I recognized me getting scared too. I didn't like that aspect of me. I mean, she's a solid person and definitely deserves the chance to believe that she is a great person. We all do, even within our own self-judging eyes (quite harsh they may be at times (and blind aswell)). So why did I get scared?
Does it use a lot of energy to love a person? Is it renewable? Or is it some act that which causes oneself to die down? Soon someone may have no more of the emotional courage and strength to just love and love again. But I mean, there's always that hope (And high change of truth) that there come a person that just lifts and heals your heart in all those ways, sharing with you (if you're willing to believe) that you CAN start again. And it's your hopefulness that ALLOWS yourself to start again. I think it's not soo great for your chances of happiness, if that once you catch and find yourself within a hole of a certain darkness, you've become/are so stubborn as to NOT-believe the existence of a light, right in front of you. Choosing to not believe that you are seeing it. Hallucinating, going blind, but realizing what it real. I mean.. both are true sides to the same coin. But if you want to be on the other side, I mean, just flip again. 50% chance you'll make it, conditional to whether or whether not you try.
I like believing everything, it creates a certain reality of my own. No one's in it yet, I don't recognize any one knocking. But that comes all with sharing, right? But they all make it real, in a sense.
*Note: I encourage people to read Reinaldo Arenas' books & autobiography. Why? To hear what your brother has been saying to you, indirect teachings.
