I'm not going to post this one. But there were some good things that happened today, I guess.

And then some weird ones. How things change when - well, something new is brought up.

I held Marley's hand today. This was the last good thing that happened at school. It was a good hand hold too. I was lying down out on the couch in the lounge, and I was pseudo reading. But also talking with Mike, I'll get onto in a bit. And then when Marley came, I didn't see him but I knew there were two guys who came in from behind me. When I saw the first guy, I didn't know him. But then I saw Marley, and I was like, "Heeeyyy." Or whatever. I was just in the liking of seeing him. I held out my arm, palm up to him. So I was holding my hand out to him while I was saying hey. And then from two or three metres away, he responded back with an equal Hey, and he put his hand in my hand. And then we were holding hands! Hah. I was still in conversation with Mike. And Marley was still talking to his friend. I was facing one way, and Marley the other. But it was truly holding hands. And then it was tapping hands. It reminded me of holding hands with Ken. Just pure love. Emotional, physical love. I love it. I truly do.

I thought initially I wasn't going to post this. Maybe I will, because I feel like by not posting, I would be saying I am ashamed I have held hands with marley. Because it might mean something. Well it does mean something. To me, really. It's comforting.

Mike also, so before all this love, there was a calling for Love. Mike came into the lounge and he was looking for a model drawing session, but he couldn't find it. And he commented on himself being to drunk to do his drawing homework, or to draw a model. He was drunk, long story short, because, I guess, his girlfriend called him last night to tell him that she still loves him. Man. His heart is in such stress and hurt and love. Fuck. I wanted to hold his hand too. But my hand was holding Marley's when he was talking about this, when the two guys came in.

I like feelings. I like people expressing their feelings. It makes me feel comfortable, because nothing too fake is going on around me. Plastic smiles, rehearsed greetings and salutations. I'm sorry, but please, give me some saliva if you're gunna kiss me. I wanna taste the salt from your tears, and smell your existence, and feel how real you are. You have presence, make an impression on me.

You do, you all do, so naturally. Even if you think you don't, I'll perceive you like you are. Anyways.

Yeah man, I judge people. * * I compare people on some level of.. it's crazy, lemme say. But I've also read it in my astrology (defering the responsibility I have over my character, hah.) But it's like, you gotta handle yourself. But then, you also gotta be comfortable enough with yourself to lose yourself. You gotta, be real, and express. Right on. You gotta, not pout to me, or come to me for pity. I'm no vending machine. Do not select E5 to take out a little bit of some, "Awws," and, "That looks good." Mm.

Ratings of Men: ..

naw. I will not go there. Do I need to make a list, it's obvious right? I mean. You go by blood. Then by love. Then by strands of character that have not yet reached the level of family hood, or love-romance. Why am I judging guys right now? Wow. I must feel good.

I'm not going to delete, but I would delete in between these two * * and the above set.

Moving along. I'm tired because I've slept ten hours in the past two nights. I'm going to sleep 6 tonight. Not enough. I'm not going to go to Yoga tomorrow either. I decided that when I made my tea.

All I really wanted to do is write about holding Marley's hand. So unexpectedly. I didn't even know I was signaling for it, you know. I wanted to express my appreciation for Mike coming up to me. But I didn't know how to care for him. But I think I was by just being there. Passive care. Muahaha. And then. I hope I didn't give out a rude amount of information about Mike's situation. I'm self-conscious about the stigma that gemini's have of being gossipers. I do. I do share stories and communicate. Mmm.. so.

I'm going to go to bed now. Thank you for everything.

I've been shouting out prayers lately. I feel like voicing out concentrated thoughts or intentions. Or merely thinking about them does give them some tangible reality later on. Anyways. Good night