What I do not like.
How she called me rude, when I was really trying not to be. Where she doesn't like how I react when she's informing me on something I did wrong - because it reads as I am intimidated by her reactions. That she does not like how I assume that she will always react badly. When she continues to talk about herself - and how the rest of the world is focused on her. How stupid is as stupid does, leaving your mittens tucked in your scarf, and becoming agitated when they fall out, and then saying the universe is against you - is what it fucking is. Leaving your mittens under your scarf, will leave them on the sidewalk.
"I don't mind when women scoff at me and give me angry looks. (After telling about a lady who couldn't focus on driving because she was too busy looking at Marena's legs [fishnetesque stockings in -14 degrees weather.]) I don't like it when men, who don't look like Dads, but if they are Dads have children under my age, look at me. (Because when we were at the side walk, some one turning right looked at her, supposedly.) I asked her if she thought she was vain... she said she thinks about herself a lot. And then I said, but I think about myself a lot. Vain's more like when you think other people are thinking about you.
I am purely not interested in her right now. I can't even bare to want to talk to her. I'm too busy, typing away my dislike for her. I'm not fucking liking having to have to see her every day. And she wants to go on walks and everything. Which is fine, company is good. But, only good company is good company - everything else is an obligation. Because I fear it might be actually rude to say "I just don't want to talk to you right now." Or, "I'm not really interested in walking with you anywhere." Or, "I do not like hearing your opinions." But it's funny, because when I don't ask any questions, she doesn't ask any questions, and just continues to talk about herself. But if I really stop asking questions and responding, because it's purely her talking about how people are looking at her, and how she wants to go into art therapy, because she wants to 'teach people how to do art', and all of this nonsense, that I end up turning into this mean person who wants to show her how dumb she is. Like, really fucking dumb and vain. Which is fine, but I'm fucking stuck with her. I'm not really, like I could move out. So I guess there's no pity for me, but I really do wish that she had other people to go to, that's it. And then, I wish she was a little bit more quiet, and asked more questions. And had interesting things to talk about - or anything outside of her to talk about. Fuck she's not interesting. If she didn't end up having rude intonations in her speech when she was talking to me about things that I had done. I wish that I was rich and didn't have to live with her. I wish she wasn't in my Visual Cultures class. I wish she didn't say she KNEW things, when she would come with me and ask questions herself, when I was asking questions. I wish she didn't come to my drawing class. I wish she would leave me alone at times - but with the atmosphere being fine. Maybe we need another person, but really.. God save them.
I wish she had better jokes. I wish she had better ideas. I wish she wouldn't try to hang out. I wish that we didn't get that movie. I wish that I was able to fucking .. do something. I wish she would take out the trash. I wish that if she had a crate of bad oranges, she wouldn't leave them on the floor, and throw those green fucking soggy bags away.
I feel pathetic for writing this shit out here, but whatever. She fucking thought I was rude last night? Really? And she thinks that it's not a freaky thing to experience her reactions? Are we fucking joking? No wonder her Mom doesn't want her home for the summer. No wonder none of them wanted to help her cut her hair. Because she's a fucking insane high pitched, fucking lame, fucking lame lame lame, bitch. Wow her parent's don't trust her.
She doesn't get to talk to anyone though, and neither do I. It's considered rude if I'm going to see Jake and she's not invited. She always has to come. She always has to come. She always always always always always always has to come.
